What if happiness isn’t something that happens to you—but something you create? That question changed my life.
For decades, I waited. I waited for the money to show up. For my marriage to get easier. For my health to fix itself. For the fear to finally go quiet. I thought happiness would come “when life got better.” But it didn’t.
It all shifted when I did something unexpected—something we don’t often consider. I stopped waiting and gently began to choose.
This isn’t theory. It’s personal. I’ve lived this. I’ve made mistakes that broke my heart. I’ve lost people I love. I’ve looked in the mirror and hated what I saw. And slowly—imperfectly—I learned that happiness wasn’t waiting for me somewhere “out there.”
It was waiting in me.
If you’ve ever asked yourself how to be happy or how to find happiness, I want to show you what I’ve learned—and how you can make your own happiness, no matter what you’re facing.
1. Is Happiness Really a Choice?
“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.”
– Dalai Lama
Here’s the truth: some parts of life are out of our control.
You might be dealing with illness, grief, regret, or just plain bad luck. These things are real. They matter. But I’ve learned something else, too…
You still have power.
Researchers say about 40% of your happiness comes from the choices you make every day—how you think, what you focus on, and the habits you build.
I used to think that sounded like a cliché. Until I tested it. I changed how I thought. I started speaking kindly to myself. I noticed small wins. And slowly, life felt lighter—even when it was still hard.
You are responsible for your own happiness. Not because you’re to blame—but because you hold the keys to the door. So yes—happiness is a choice. One you can make again and again, one step at a time.
2. What Gets in the Way?
If happiness is a choice, why does it still feel so hard? Here’s what got in my way—and what still tries to sometimes.
Old beliefs blocking your way.
- “I don’t deserve to be happy.”
- “I’ll be happy when things get better.”
These thoughts feel true, but they lie.
Your inner voice isn’t kind.
- For years, I said things to myself I’d never say to anyone else:
“You’re lazy.” - “You always mess up.”
- “You’re not enough.”
That voice kept me small.
You’re waiting for perfect.
I thought happiness came when everything else was fixed. But life is never perfect. And waiting made me miss what was already good.
You compare yourself to others.
This is especially prevalent with our online connections. We see perfect lives and perfect smiles. It can make you feel behind. But those pictures never show the whole story.
Don’t wait for perfect—happiness begins the moment you say yes to it.
3. How I Started to Make My Own Happiness
Let me be clear: I didn’t flip a switch and feel great. But I did something better. I built small habits. One at a time. They helped me create my own happiness from the inside out. And you can too.
Start with gratitude.
Every night, I write down three things that went right.
- Some days it can be as simple as: “I stayed calm in bad traffic.”
- Other days it could be: “My daughter smiled.”
- And this one is a good one to fall back on, whenever I’ve had a very tough day: “I’m alive, and some people didn’t live to say that today.”
Sometimes we believe only the big, grand moments are worthy of our attention. But it’s often in life’s simple offerings that gratitude gently grounds us. Practicing gratitude has truly reshaped the way my mind works.
Focus on what you can control.
You might not be able to control the entire world. But you can control your own:
- Thoughts
- Actions
- Attitude
That’s where real change starts. Recognizing this is the first step to real happiness.
Shift your perspective.
Rather than thinking, “This is a disaster,” I tell myself, “This is challenging, but I’m learning something new.”
This simple change creates space for peace to enter. Happiness that comes from peace is sustainable. It’s not dependent on everything going right. It’s born from knowing how to respond when things go wrong. It’s the kind of happiness that doesn’t need to be loud or showy. It just is—calm, quiet, and real.
Take quiet time.
Five minutes. No phone. No goals. Just breathing.
It sounds simple. It saved my mind.
Connect with real people.
I don’t need a crowd. I need someone I can be real with. A friend who listens. A hug that lasts.
Connection heals.
Choose your joy.
I stopped needing permission to feel happy.
Now I walk, I laugh, I play music, and read in the sun. Instead of waiting for the “right time,” I simply began.
Joy doesn’t need a perfect moment—it just needs an open one.
By choosing joy in the small, everyday things, I started to reclaim my life. It’s not about pretending everything is fine. It’s about allowing light in, even when things are messy.
And that choice, made again and again, is what keeps me moving forward.
4. Redefining What Happiness Means
I used to think happiness was about smiling all the time.
It’s not.
Happiness means staying steady, even in the storm.
It’s not about being cheerful. It’s about being real. It’s about noticing what’s good—even when things are hard.
You can be your own happiness.
Not because life is perfect, but because you’ve learned how to hold joy in your hands—even for a moment.
And yes, positive thinking is powerful:
- It helps your body heal.
- It lifts your mood.
- It brings better sleep, deeper friendships, and more energy.
5. You Can Choose This
So, let me ask again—is happiness a choice?
Yes. Not always an easy one. But a real one. And with practice, it becomes your default.
We don’t have to change our whole lives to feel better. We just have to start.
- Write down one good moment from today.
- Call someone you love.
- Take one deep breath and say, “I choose to see the good.”
You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to begin.
You are ready. You are enough. You are not alone.
Start your happiness habit today.
- Grab a notebook.
- Write down one thing you’re thankful for.
- Do it again tomorrow.
- Then again the next day.
- Watch what happens next.
